As my birthday draws near (1st December), I am reflecting on how this past year has been for me. Firstly I will say this year has been on paper the worst year of my life- and no I am not talking about Covid and anything associated to it. I am talking about personal, family things that have happened and are happening. In due time I will share a testimony on that. I say this to state that it has played a part in defining my 25th year in so many ways and it will be an age I will never ever forget.
I have learnt what it means not to worry. I can't guarantee that I won't at all but I will say that really pressing into God on a daily basis has helped me tremendously. Whenever I want to worry and be anxious I remember how I felt not worrying and that really humbles me.
I also learnt that truly, God is the only one that can be there for you 100%. We are limited as human beings and we will do well in not expecting so much from others. Basically be reasonable in your expectations from your fellow humans as you too have also fallen short of expectations. I talk about this more in my 'Being there for yourself' post.
I have learnt that I am not my seasons in life and I try my best not to allow any season to define me. I had every right to be upset and withdrawn everyday this past year but I chose to push past that and get involved in things around me as much as I could and as much as my mental health allowed me to. However I also learnt to not allow seasons of life to mar my personality. Man, this was hard at points. At points I was so swallowed up in emotional pain and just being withdrawn but I'm so grateful for family and close friends who encouraged me. Seasons pass, my personality does not need to pass with it. By seasons I am talking about either the ups and downs of life.
I have learnt to choose joy. Because it is a choice. I have also learnt not to sweat the small stuff. Honestly, some things I laid emphasis on were really not that deep. I have also really learnt that you really only need 1,2 / a few really close friends and you will be fine. You don't need a crowd. I still have many friends but I know the ones that are close to me and I am close to them and it has really helped me in managing my expectations from friends. I cannot be offended at you when I did not expect so much. And besides, different friends for different things. I am more concerned with enjoying the presence of my friends and whether close or not I do value all my interactions with my friends.
One thing I have also realised is that phone calls are actually not that bad. I mean, who knew? So, I no longer shy away from calls lol.
I will say that my confidence has grown. You know that thing people say about moving beyond your comfort zone? Yeah, it works. I mean for starters I am no longer nervous about recording myself on video which used to freak me out! I have also overcome some other personal fears of mine that would have really been detrimental to my future.
All in all, 25 has been a defining year and one which has changed me for the better. The only way on is up.